I get asked daily if treatment is over, if I beat cancer, if I’m cured or am I finished with everything. The answer is NO. I’m here to educate you a little bit, I’ll never be 100% cured from cancer, I’ll always be fighting in some way & for the next TEN years I have to take these little pills called Tamoxifen. Don’t google it, you won’t want to read all the side effects (its typically like taking a tiny dose of chemotherapy daily).
I’ve had my first surgery, gone through 8 rounds of grueling chemotherapy, 56 shots, 25 radiation treatments, & now this.... hormone blockers. My cancer was hormone receptive positive so I have to have hormone therapy. These pills that I received in the mail today are what I’m MOST terrified of during my whole journey, the part I’ve been dragging my feet on and dreading the most. The side effects are outrageous, my body could start breaking down again, my body has a chance of never really recovering, & to be honest most days I get out of bed and feel like a 90 year old. My body hurts, my hands get so tight by the end of the day that I can hardly type, my vision is sometimes off, hot flashes are out of control, neuropathy in my feet, fatigue, bone aches, uni boob, nails are falling off.... yep.... I’m that glamorous. But most people would never know it, I wake up happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m proud of my incredibly strong body, I’m surrounded by so much love, I’ve met some dear friends along the way, my hair is growing back, & I’m winning! I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I know I am. I can feel it and continue to find my small daily wins. Every day is a gift and I keep on living. So tonight I take my first little pill, not knowing what side effects will continue or what new ones will show up. But for now, I’m here, I’m alive, & I’m grateful. So if you see me and I’m in a fog, depressed, in pain, or trying to sometimes just hold a pen.... know I’m trying my hardest to keep it together and I will continue to THRIVE.