Jessie's Pink Journey

As I exhale and feel a huge sigh of relief that chemotherapy is over, I’m overwhelmed with stress of my next chapter. It’s human to be terrified of the unknown. I hate the unknown, despise it actually. I’ve got another BIG appointment on 5.28.18 so if you can, take a second to send some positive energy my way. I’ll slay this chapter like I did the last, but the added love and support always helps. Let’s do the damn thing.  Radiation here I come!! 

Chemotherapy #7. Sooooooooo close to being done with this chapter, yet I still get nervous walking into the infusion room. Nervous about the initial port poke, nervous about the flushing of the port (tastes like alcohol and tends to make me pretty nauseous), & extremely nervous on how this round of medicine will affect my body.  But slowly celebrating my win of being DONE with this crap.  Because friends.... I might look ok, act like I’m doing well, have a good attitude, BUT this crap SUCKS. Every single part of it.  Ugh. But as o keep saying, I’m doing it! Day by Day.... doing it! I haven’t had any bad reactions from the last 2 infusions so they were able to turn up the drip to pretty quick with this eoubd. So I was only there for about 3-4 hours instead of 4-5. Yeah!  I got home and had a snack and then went to bed. I was feeling pretty worn out as I tend to get after these long days.  But then around 7:00pm I started to not feel too well. I immedi...

I can’t believe that I’m at #6. Somedays I feel like this journey has been years and other days I feel like I’m moving right along.  This was a very special round for me as my family joined me: mom, dad, & my 2 sisters.  I kept trying to explain to them the whole progress and telling them sitting in an infusion room is a pretty surreal experience. They wanted to support me and join me, so they did.  The infusions are pretty routine for me now, dr appt before to see how my blood work looks (I have to be at a certain white blood cell count before they can infuse), lots of premeditation, numbing cream/ice on my port before accessing it, snacks packed, ready to roll.  I had a new nurse this round and every time I have someone new I get really nervous. The initial poke into my port to hook up the IV can be extremely painful and I get a nauseous feeling before hand, so I just never know the behaviors of the nurse. Does she say......”1,2,3.......poke” or does she just g...

I’ve got three rounds of chemotherapy left (#6 on Tuesday), 5 weeks of radiation will follow, followed by another expansion appointment, 2 surgeries, & a lot more screens after treatment. So..... A LOT more to accomplish, but I’ve already done SO much and I need to remember that. I need to celebrate my wins.  Sadness has definitely set in. It’s so much to take in at times. It’s hard to look at myself (bald and boobless), my energy is at an all time low, my WHOLE body hurts from neuropathy, & I’m just sad.  I miss my old life. I miss my energy. I miss me.  I usual post pictures of me when I’m feeling good, have my wig on, & makeup. But most days I’ve got HUGE black bags under my eyes, no makeup, skin is splotchy and I look sick. But I know it’s temporary. It’s all temporary. This week has been incredibly hard and exhausting as Miles got extremely sick and we needed up at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital all day yesterday. Lots of tests to make sure he didn’...

I’ve gotten a little behind in my writing so I apologize. I’ve decided to combine my infusions #4 & #5 posts. First off I have to say FOUR was WAY better thank 3. WAY!!!  Maybe it was the combination of rest and naturalpath techniques I was doing, but I’ll take it!  I still slept the first 3 days with four as I was exhausted. My tastebuds were still off but by the time the weekend rolled around, I was in pretty good shape. Walking 3-4 miles a day, not feeling too tired, and going about my routine.  Bye bye Red Devil!!! As you recall, #1-4 were the AC cocktails (red devil) and this is what makes you very sick, tired, & no appetite. But I did it! I even had a very good friend sit in with me for #4, which made it even more special and easier for me.  The other good thing about after #4 is I hit my deductible so I got to take all of my shots home with me. Awesome! BUT that means either Darren or I will be giving them to myself. Yikes!! I will again have my s...

#3 got me. HARD.  I got sick to my stomach several times. I was nauseous for almost 2 weeks. I could barely drink water. My back hurt so bad that I couldn’t even look down. Then I got the most INTENSE sore throat that I couldn’t eat solids for 3 days, barely eat yogurt.  I lost 6lbs and my white blood cell count didn’t increase as expected. I was “healthy enough to infuse” *barely*. So I went through to #4.  I’m telling you friends and I’ll tell you again, chemotherapy is NOT for the weak.  I also was deflated as I met with my radiation oncologist on 3.8.18 and was told that they recommend radiation. Although I my lymph nodes came back negative and my tumor is under 5 mm, they still recommend it. I had a total of 5 tumors and when you add them up it totals over 5 mm, my cancer cleared only .5 cm from my chest wall, & my type of cancer is pretty aggressive. I just sat there with tears rolling down my face. But the good news is this will decrease my chance of r...

Cancer is a full time job, appointments every day, calls, concerns, no energy.  Fun times. I thought I would lay out what my weeks look like during my infusion weeks and my off weeks. Here we go....... Monday: blood work, expansion fills (BIG needle) Tuesday: chemotherapy (4-5 hours) Wednesday: cocktail of anti nausea medication  Thursday: immunity shot & anti nausea medication  Friday: immunity shot Saturday: immunity shot Sunday: immunity shot Monday (chemo off week): immunity shot Tuesday: immunity shot & therapist appointment  Wednesday: immunity shot Thursday: immunity shot Friday - Sunday: no needles!!  ...... and then I all starts again. Ugh.