Jessie's Pink Journey

I can’t believe that I’m at #6. Somedays I feel like this journey has been years and other days I feel like I’m moving right along.  This was a very special round for me as my family joined me: mom, dad, & my 2 sisters.  I kept trying to explain to them the whole progress and telling them sitting in an infusion room is a pretty surreal experience. They wanted to support me and join me, so they did.  The infusions are pretty routine for me now, dr appt before to see how my blood work looks (I have to be at a certain white blood cell count before they can infuse), lots of premeditation, numbing cream/ice on my port before accessing it, snacks packed, ready to roll.  I had a new nurse this round and every time I have someone new I get really nervous. The initial poke into my port to hook up the IV can be extremely painful and I get a nauseous feeling before hand, so I just never know the behaviors of the nurse. Does she say......”1,2,3.......poke” or does she just g...

I’ve got three rounds of chemotherapy left (#6 on Tuesday), 5 weeks of radiation will follow, followed by another expansion appointment, 2 surgeries, & a lot more screens after treatment. So..... A LOT more to accomplish, but I’ve already done SO much and I need to remember that. I need to celebrate my wins.  Sadness has definitely set in. It’s so much to take in at times. It’s hard to look at myself (bald and boobless), my energy is at an all time low, my WHOLE body hurts from neuropathy, & I’m just sad.  I miss my old life. I miss my energy. I miss me.  I usual post pictures of me when I’m feeling good, have my wig on, & makeup. But most days I’ve got HUGE black bags under my eyes, no makeup, skin is splotchy and I look sick. But I know it’s temporary. It’s all temporary. This week has been incredibly hard and exhausting as Miles got extremely sick and we needed up at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital all day yesterday. Lots of tests to make sure he didn’...

I’ve gotten a little behind in my writing so I apologize. I’ve decided to combine my infusions #4 & #5 posts. First off I have to say FOUR was WAY better thank 3. WAY!!!  Maybe it was the combination of rest and naturalpath techniques I was doing, but I’ll take it!  I still slept the first 3 days with four as I was exhausted. My tastebuds were still off but by the time the weekend rolled around, I was in pretty good shape. Walking 3-4 miles a day, not feeling too tired, and going about my routine.  Bye bye Red Devil!!! As you recall, #1-4 were the AC cocktails (red devil) and this is what makes you very sick, tired, & no appetite. But I did it! I even had a very good friend sit in with me for #4, which made it even more special and easier for me.  The other good thing about after #4 is I hit my deductible so I got to take all of my shots home with me. Awesome! BUT that means either Darren or I will be giving them to myself. Yikes!! I will again have my s...

#3 got me. HARD.  I got sick to my stomach several times. I was nauseous for almost 2 weeks. I could barely drink water. My back hurt so bad that I couldn’t even look down. Then I got the most INTENSE sore throat that I couldn’t eat solids for 3 days, barely eat yogurt.  I lost 6lbs and my white blood cell count didn’t increase as expected. I was “healthy enough to infuse” *barely*. So I went through to #4.  I’m telling you friends and I’ll tell you again, chemotherapy is NOT for the weak.  I also was deflated as I met with my radiation oncologist on 3.8.18 and was told that they recommend radiation. Although I my lymph nodes came back negative and my tumor is under 5 mm, they still recommend it. I had a total of 5 tumors and when you add them up it totals over 5 mm, my cancer cleared only .5 cm from my chest wall, & my type of cancer is pretty aggressive. I just sat there with tears rolling down my face. But the good news is this will decrease my chance of r...

Cancer is a full time job, appointments every day, calls, concerns, no energy.  Fun times. I thought I would lay out what my weeks look like during my infusion weeks and my off weeks. Here we go....... Monday: blood work, expansion fills (BIG needle) Tuesday: chemotherapy (4-5 hours) Wednesday: cocktail of anti nausea medication  Thursday: immunity shot & anti nausea medication  Friday: immunity shot Saturday: immunity shot Sunday: immunity shot Monday (chemo off week): immunity shot Tuesday: immunity shot & therapist appointment  Wednesday: immunity shot Thursday: immunity shot Friday - Sunday: no needles!!  ...... and then I all starts again. Ugh. 

I shaved my head today.  Yes, it was a bit scary. Yes, I was anxious. Yes, I was scared to see myself bald.  But it was time. My hair was falling out in HUGE clumps since my last infusion and my hair follicles were actually starting to hurt.  I was scared to even wash my hair as I knew it would all start to fall out in my hands. Darren went to buy clippers and he was a champion. He started shaving my head and of of course the kids were very curious. Miles said, “mama, you funny!” And Scarlett helped me pick out a scarf to wear for the day. Then gave me a BIG Scarlett hug. *love her* Darren said I looked beautiful. *ah thanks love* They are going to be ok, as am I.  I felt empowered.... hell ya! How many women get to shave their heads?!?! Hello GI Jane.  I felt like I took control of this part of my journey. And once I put my scarf on, I felt like ME.  Sometimes ya gotta just JUMP and that is exactly what I did today!  My family empowers me...

Tuesday, February 13th. The day I went in for my 2nd infusion.  I had been battling the flu and an awful cold the week before, so my body was very weak. My oncologist wanted to see me before moving forward with my 2nd infusion. She wanted to ensure that I was strong enough and that my white blood cells were continuing to increase.  On Sunday and Monday, I still felt tired and weak, but when I woke up on the 13th, my body was ready to fight. My oncologist said everything looked good and we both decided to move forward with my chemotherapy.  The sooner I complete my infusions.... the sooner I will be DONE. Darren had to work on the 13th so it was just my mom and me this round. I decided to bring my special blanket that a dear family me ever made for me. This way I can wrap up with all the love from my family.  You can tell in my eyes from the photo that I still didn’t feel too well and oh so tired! This awful disease is really starting to get me down..... I didn’t ...